Being Who I Needed As a Teen

When I was 8 years old, I hung a poster of Mia Hamm up on my bedroom wall. Did I like soccer? No, I was more of a softball kind of kid. I was drawn to her athleticism, her strength, and to the fact that she was a woman. But I didn’t focus too much on that. I had already developed a deep adoration of my first and second grade teachers. Both were cheerful, kind, young and beautiful. I stayed in during recess to “help” with tasks, becoming a tried and true teacher’s pet. 

Being a high schooler in the early to mid aughts was full of typical angsty teenage passion. Emo music was at its peak, AOL’s Instant Messenger sounds chimed through our desktop computers, and MySpace’s Top 8 was the purest form of hot gossip. Being gay, however, was not cool. Though my school did have students who were out, I was not one of them. I decided instead to have very secret and quiet relationships with girls in between my very public and loud relationships with boys. 

Gayness wasn’t a scary thing in my home. In fact, my younger brother was out in ninth grade at the same school. Admitting my own sexuality to myself was a bigger hurdle to jump than admitting it to my family. I needed a lifeline to wrestle those feelings with. A living breathing human who would hear me and validate me and tell me that it was okay that I liked Tegan and Sara more than for their music, and that it was okay to sneak downstairs to see portions of The L Word on Showtime. 

Crisis Text Line would have been my saving grace as a teenager. Knowing that I wasn’t alone and hearing confirmation that I was normal would have made the road to coming out much, much easier. Being a Crisis Counselor is the perfect way to be who you needed as a teenager. Every teen could benefit from that added support, a confidential ear and voice to remind them that they’re going to get through this and that it does get better.